We are told by the media how to dress, by governments how to think and by society how to act. These are all expectations forced upon us whether we acknowledge them or not.

What are expectations?

Expectations are ideas, actions or activities imposed upon you and they can range from going to church every Sunday to graduating top of your class. They are placed onto us at a very early age by our parents who they themselves where taught by their parents and so on. Expectations can be both generational and communal.

Generational expectations

It’s no secret that if you come from a broken family, however you wish to define it, there is a higher chance that you, yourself, have a higher chance of creating a broken family. I saw this first hand when I worked a few minimum wage jobs to “see what it was like” and the lack of family expectations is what lead to these workers, often unseen, doing menial jobs that provided little self-esteem or value to their ongoing lives. They where working minimum wage jobs because their parents, husbands and cousins where doing the same. Of course, some people are born into a lavish lifestyle but we all know that just because some are given everything, it doesn’t mean they will amount to anything more then Joe Public. What I am saying is that there is a very heavy influence placed upon you by your parents and this will affect your during your entire lifetime. These expectations, no matter your economic situation aren’t a fate you cannot escape but the influence, no matter, is always there.

Communal Expectations

You often hear of “Black communities” “Jewish communities” and the list goes on. They each have the distinctive moral code that they live by in addition to the codes imposed upon individuals by the greater society. For instance, the “Asian communities” place especially high academic expectations on their children while “Evangelical communities” place them more on spreading the word of Jesus. If you are lucky or unlucky enough to be born within several of these communities, you have a plate that is overflowing with expectations which can sometimes be contrary to one another.

Internal vs External Expectations

So far, I have described external expectations but we also have a host of internal expectations formed from our living experiences. Maybe you got beat up in school and decide to, one day, be the strongest person in the world, this is an internal expectation. Another might be wanting to best another student in your school in a specific subject. Regardless, we have more then enough internal and external expectations within each and every one of us to drive anybody else crazy.

Changing expectations

Now for the tough part, you may live by a certain moral or ethical code that you no longer with to have in your life. What do you do? Depending on where the expectations came from, this can take a long time to work out both internally and externally. But, as my last article indicated, you can make the decision in a split second and get the engine of change working for you a split second later. It doesn’t take a long time but don’t expect those around you to be able to be as nimble. Change within ones self is quick, creating an environment where others expectations of you change is a whole other story. Be honest, straight forward and stern.

The Bottom Line

Life is about experiences and creating memories, not living by others expectations.

I often hear people tell me how long it took to create lasting changes in their lives, so how long does it actually take to create an enormous change in your life?

What is change?

Change, for me, is defined as going from habit forming activity to another. For example, somebody might choose to change their eating habits to gain or loose weight or change the people they choose to have a relationship with. Change, to me, isn’t the migration from one to the other but the exact period in time that a distinctive decision is made and kept. Put another way, although it may take a few months to leave an hold habit behind for a new one, to me, the change actually occurred when you decided to follow though with actions beyond thought.

Habits 101

Humans, like most organisms on this planet, are creatures of habit. We are no different then the local rooster that needs to yell it’s lungs out at the morning sun wanting a few more hours of darkness to sleep with his harem. Most of us derive pleasure out of being able to predict the outcomes of such things as driving to and from work, taste of food at your favorite restaurant and even being with a person you choose to love. There is an entrenched sense of security, knowing that even if some things fall apart during everyday struggles, you can always count on a few habits to pull you through. These habits can be both positive and negative. A positive one might be the desire to workout at the gym a few hours a week in order to build the body of your dreams. A negative one may be the desire to job hop once you are given too much responsibility from a boss. No matter the habit, detrimental or otherwise, it is a habit that, at the end of the day, you choose by your actions to either maintain or leave.

Decisions about Change

Changing ones outlook on life happens in a split second, not over time. You may choose to stop smoking, that decision for creating a lasting change in your life took no more then a second. So, once you realize that you have the power to create a change in habits that quickly, then going through the process of making a new habit reality isn’t very difficult. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel which makes the process of going through the change you have decided upon that much more straight forward and powerful.

What is the difference between decision and change?

A decision is the choice, positive or negative that you choose to follow through upon. Change is the underlying process or reason why you made such a choice. If you see somebody you are attracted to, then there is a desire for change that requires a decision to be made.

How to create a lasting change in habits

First, you need to decide to follow through with a change in habits, without a decision, you are going nowhere fast. Once a decision is made, simply follow through on a daily basis, however incremental, until you have achieved the new habit you wanted. This does sound rather straight forward doesn’t it? Well, who ever said change has to be dragged out? If you want something, go for it, if you don’t, leave it behind. Simple. The process of changing a habit can be difficult sometimes, it may require a change of environment, relationship patterns or even thought processes, nobody said the process of change was easy, but the decision to create lasting change is.

The Bottom Line

If you want change, make a decision as to what you want and follow through with new habits.

Critical thinking can be defined as not always accepting things at face value, if something seems out of place, it’s your responsibility to question it until it makes sense.

Critical thinking in our media

The lack of critical thinking in our media, the source of most of our information has gotten all of us in big trouble on multiple occasions. The time leading up to the invasion of Iraq was the result of the largest critical thinking vacuum in recent times as is the constant crackdown on political descent in such places as Burma, China and just a few weeks ago, Pakistan. Governments know that information or the subversion of the critical thinking process to be specific, is the best way towards achieving domination over it’s citizenry short of military intervention. It’s cheaper to control the media then to send patrols out. Of all the countries brainwashing their citizenry, North Korea has to rank among the largest out there, with state owned media, state owned enterprises and essentially, state owned minds making up the vast proportion of the population. Want to change things in a country? Easy, simply unleash the powers of critical thinking into the media which will then leach into the minds of people. The control of knowledge and how it’s disseminated is more powerful then any military weapon invented in modern times.

Critical thinking requires education

Critical thinking only comes with the power of knowledge, without an education in a vast array of areas, the ability to ask the right questions is impossible. You see, if you cannot mine the fragmented resources of your mind and yield something of value from it at the end of the day, the entire process will be very much a half-assed affair in the best of times. You can see this process of educational dumbing in many cults, suppressive governments and in poverty stricken countries which also happen to be in constant wars as well, leads to an easily malleable population. Going back towards controlling a population, you want to keep their minds busy on non-dangerous activities that take up resources that may otherwise evolve into critical thinking. A great example of this was under the Iraqi Saddam Hussein Regime, the entire educational system evolved around him, kids where not counting apples, they where counting Husseins. Another is Saudi Arabia, the country with the most highly educated population in the Middle East yet needs to import just about every profession just to keep their economy going. Why? Because the population is told to study religion instead of engineering, accounting and suppresses half it’s citizens (women) from getting any education at all.

Developing critical thinking

The only way to develop your critical thinking systems is to constantly expose them to new experiences. Get out of your comfort shell, visit the slums of this world, expose your mind to other types of thinking and most importantly, always try to learn something new on a daily basis. You need to keep working on your weaknesses while re-enforcing your strengths. This can be done a number of ways but the easiest is exploring this vast planet we all live on. As for me, I have learned more about the world living in different countries then I ever could reading a book or studying about them. If a picture is worth a thousand words, being there is worth a million.

The Bottom Line

Knowledge is only as powerful as the questions you ask.

Life has it’s ups and downs, one moment you can be at your peak where everything seems to fall right into place without any effort and other times, even with herculean determination, everything falls apart. So, I ask, how strong is your bridge?

The Internal Bridge

The only thing that allows life to be livable when things are tough is knowing that eventually, no matter how far it may seem that you are stuck in the valley of life, an enormous mountain can be seen in the horizon. This is your bridge, which you store internally within your mind. As long as you don’t loose sight of the vision you see ahead of you, no matter where you may be now, the hope will get you through it.

Bridge Designs

If you do not have a strong vision of what is to come, then your bridge looks as ragged as the picture I took for this article. Each step is a perilous one, where you can fall straight back into the valley of hell no matter how high you thought you where. If, on the other hand, your vision is incredibly strong then even with heavy winds and obstacles set ahead of you, you will not fall back down, you will remain steadfast and achieve your goal of getting to the next mountain. If your bridge is strong enough, you may never have to feel or relive the torment that you inhabited in the valleys again. You see, this is the value of keeping a strong bridge no matter where you are in life.

Vision, Compass and Bridge

The vision is the mountain you see ahead of you, the compass is what steers you in the right direction and the bridge is the way of getting through the thick of things with as little loss as possible. Many millionaires, even billionaires who have fought tooth and nail to achieve their success can now enjoy. They had a very clear vision ahead of them and compass leading them but what you may not know is that many went years gaining and loosing everything they worked os hard for. Top entrepreneurs are no strangers to poverty, broken relationships (divorces) and you name it… they have gone through it. Sure, there are exceptions, but for those who have self-built wealth, the journey was an incredibly difficult one. For instance, Walt Disney lost EVERYTHING many times before achieving success, to the point that his only possession and friend was a mouse that he thanked immortally as “Mickey Mouse”. Richard Branson, has probably failed more then any other entrepreneur in history with ventures that went nowhere or bankrupt, the same can be said about Donald Trump, Steve Jobs, Bob Parsons and the list goes on. If you are a top entrepreneur who has achieved incredibly high levels of success, the journey towards getting there was paved with red, not golden bricks.

Having a vision and compass aren’t enough

Having a vision isn’t enough in life, even if you do know the direction you wish to head. Without a bridge, you can get stuck or even get lost. You need a clear path, a road with signs telling you that yes, you are on the right path and yes, you will get through it and better yet, you will succeed! Expect to go through times when the bum on the street is wealthier then you, expect to loose everything you once held dear leave and expect that once you do succeed, the journey will have turned your mind into an impenetrable fortress that can withstand even the toughest circumstances in life with relative ease.

The Bottom Line

The road to wonderland isn’t straight anymore then it’s golden.

Entrepreneurship is really about turning a vision, no matter how obscured by severe myopia by others, into a reality that you are not just proud of but can also be converted into a comfortable living. Here are some things that I tell myself often so I don’t forget as I reach towards higher and more challenging heights in my life.

1) Give Meaningful & Honest Praise

If you want people to be productive in your work environment – provide plenty of meaningful praise because thoughtful rewards for achievements go further then cheap “title promotions” or nasty criticisms.

2) It’s NOT all about YOU

People generally are not that interested in you, unless you are developing a long lasting relationship. People love to talk about themselves – become a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.

3) Respect is Earned, Not Given

You wouldn’t build a house without a foundation any more then you would build a relationship without respect – in both cases, in order to achieve goals – you need to allow time for things to cure so they can become solid enough for a more substantial footing in the future.

4) Remember “Lady Luck”

No matter how successful you become, never forget that a very large part came from dumb luck – and that same luck can bring you down just as fast. Perseverance and hard work got you to the door, dumb luck allowed it to open. I have a theory developed from talking to people of all walks of life, from CEOs and millionaires to average folk and it basically states that the higher your net worth, the more luck had a big role in achieving this success.

5) Reward Loyalty

Friends are a dime a dozen, true and loyal friends are a rarer breed. Remember those who stuck with you during the tough times and reward them during the good ones.

6) Space is Important

Everybody needs their own space and time alone to reflect on their lives – genuinely offer them this before they ask you for it. You will earn not only loyalty but great Karma

7) Remember Names and use them OFTEN

People where given a name upon birth, not a number – say their name often and it will become second nature (ei: you won’t forget it) and more importantly, always command their immediate attention.

Don’t hold grudges

This can be difficult at times but learn to let them go – your only hurting yourself by creating internal stress that can never be resolved… if there is a problem, use your energy towards fixing instead of prolonging.

9) Be precise

Nothing is worse then living or creating ambiguity – try to be as straight forward as possible, leave the bumpy roads to cars – not your life.

10) Use your influence to make positive changes

Once you reach the pinnacles of life, use the influence and people you have gathered from your past to create lasting positive change in the world – you want to leave a positive legacy for future generations to talk about… don’t you?

The Bottom Line

Being true to yourself is vitally important as you begin to achieve some level of success in life, how ever you choose to define it.